I pity the fool who goes to her very first PiYo (Pilates + Yoga) class without painting her toenails. In other words, I pity myself. Ugh! It totally escaped my fragile mind that we would be removing our socks and shoes. Forgive me, publics, for I have sinned. I am a Summer Shoe Pledge hypocrite.
And it's not just that I hadn't painted them...because I guess technically I had....two months ago. And I noticed during class (you know, during the part where we were supposed to focus on our left big toe during some hellish stretching exercise) that half of my left big toenail is purple. I could see a rich eggplant color* peeking out from between the splotches of "cranberry cream" or whatever the heck color they used to be painted.
Anyhoo, once I got over my toenail disgust, I started paying attention in class.
When I pictured the type of music that might be playing in a PiYo class, I thought of maybe some Enya or Enigma or something soothing-ish. This teacher seems, instead, to be fond of Bob Marley. She sometimes stopped talking in the middle of explaining something so she could sing along with Bob. She also seemed to be taking GREAT PLEASURE in some of the stretches. At times I wondered if I should leave the room and give her some privacy. She exclaimed such phrases as, "Ooh yeah, it hurts so good!" and "Swwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeet downward dogs, everyone!" and other such nonsense.
You gotta give a person who loves their job that much some credit, though. At least until she starts talking about poses named after birds. At that point, run (or fly!) away!
When I stood up after class, my legs were shaking uncontrollably. I had to get out of there fast before someone started thinking I was having a standing-seizure. On second thought, that would be a good name for a yoga pose.
*The rich eggplant color is due to a bruise. I did not paint my nails eggplant and then paint over them with cranberry cream. I'm not quite that lazy...yet.