Gym Incidents

Those of you who know me know that I do not appreciate my metabolism staging a coup d'etat and screwing me over like it has, but the one good thing about all that is that there are always interesting (and frightening) things going on at the gym. Hardly a gym visit goes by when I don't think, "Remember this so you can blog about it later." Today I'm keeping that promise to myself.

1. Guys--let's not wear spandex shorts to the gym. Especially if you aren't planning to wear a shirt long enough to cover your goodies. Leave something to the imagination--not that we really want to imagine your every nook and cranny.

2. Dear 60-something year old guy at the gym,

You are not the exception.

Thanks,
Me

3. Guys--your excessive grunting and moaning is not at all dignified and makes me feel dirty. If it's really that bad, maybe you're over-exerting yourself and should try some lighter weights. First you put your "how's your father" out there for all to see, and then you start moaning. You are not on a porn set. You're at the gym.

4. There's this one guy who was doing walking lunges. I can respect that. They're hard! Anyway, he was carrying around some weights while he was doing them. He'd walk across the gym, moaning and groaning in a very, "Hey look at me!" fashion, and then he would turn around and come back. When he got back to where he started, he would give a final and very enthusiastic groan, throw the weights down with a flourish, and crawl on his hands and knees over to a gallon jug of water where he would drink to his heart's content. It was the silliest thing I've ever seen.

5. Girls who wear shorts with writing on the butt--don't get mad if you catch someone staring at your butt. And honestly, some of us--myself included, shouldn't be drawing attention to that part of our body. Know what I mean?

6. Kevin said that when he went into the men's dressing room yesterday, he walked into a cloud of baby powder and the owner of the gym was helping this other guy into his skin tight shirt (such as the one pictured). If your clothes are so tight that you need help getting into them, you should probably stop shopping in the children's section. Actually, the whole cloud of baby powder part reminded me of that episode of Friends where Ross wore the tight leather pants on a date and when he went to the restroom, he couldn't get them back on. Anyway...

7. If you're of the hairy armpit persuasion, please don't wear sleeveless shirts. You make me throw up in my mouth when I see your deodorant all matted up in your luscious locks. On the other hand, THANK you for wearing deodorant.