Monday, April 06, 2009


I just found out last week that my mother is having surgery this week, so I'm kind of scrambling around trying to take care of some last minute things before I go down to spend a few days with her and my dad.

Anyway, this post will seem very disjointed, but this is just how my mind is today, so maybe it's appropriate.

1. I am experiencing shortness of breath due to tightness of pants. I'm serious. Who knew that something that isn't wrapped around one's lungs could cause breathing problems? Anyway, I decided that I couldn't go on huffing and puffing anymore so I broke down and went jeans shopping today at lunch.

I do not like shopping. Maybe I missed some girly gene that makes some people like shopping and talking on the phone. I don't know. I just don't like it. My first stop was Old Navy. I tried on a pair of jeans in a size N regular(n is for number. You will notice that it's a big N.). I could hardly pull them all the way up. I tried on a pair in a size N long (same number) and they're huge on me. The next size down is way too small. This type of scenario seems like some kind of cosmic joke (a very unfunny one), so I was not pleased when I went into the dressing room.

Chick wearing huge sunglasses and training some guy in the dressing room: You have to let them know about the sales, because how else will they know about all the great deals?

Dude being trained: OK.

(I enter center stage)

Chick: (taking my pile of jeans) I don't see any shorts in this pile. Don't you want to try on some shorts? They're on sale this week!

Me: (Suppressing a barrage of snarky comments ranging from "Oh, are the sunglasses on sale too? Is that why you're wearing them when you're clearly indoors?" to "If I had wanted to try on some shorts, I would have deliberately picked up some shorts to try on." to "I don't wear shorts because they draw too much attention to my prosthetic legs.") No, I don't want to depress myself.

Anyway, I bought the too-big jeans because I had a 40% off coupon and I desperately needed some jeans.

After that little excursion, I headed next door to Maurices. I tried on a pair of jeans there that I figured would be the right size. They were huge. YES! I don't give a care that this brand runs big and that the smaller size I ended up buying is actually larger than an N+2 at Old Navy. Size is only a number (again) tra-la-la!

Now I just need to go return the too-big Old Navy jeans.

2. In other news, I have had it brought to my attention that there is actually a doggy camp in my area (complete with a swimming pond and lots of room to run), so I have hope that it's going to be a suitable place to board the dogs. I talked to the owner on the phone for the first time today.

Camp Lady: Well, you know dogs really seem to enjoy coming here. They like all of the different smells of the animals. We're out in the country, so there are all kinds of little animals in the woods they can smell...and of course the horses, the sheep, and the monkey...

Me: Wha? Wait a minute...the monkey?

Camp Lady: Yeah, I have a monkey.

Me: Oh! OK...

So now *I* want to go to doggy camp so I can see the monkey.


Pamela said...

I hate shopping - and assumed that I missed out on that gene, too.

A few weeks back my SIL, who has alzhimers, said she wanted to go to the Goodwill. I took her.

They had racks & racks of jeans. I looked thru and found a pair that fit for $3.98

I hate paying big bucks for fat pants, so it was kind of a fun trip.

Mo said...

I too lack the girly "shopping" gene; I *especially* hate shopping for problem tho, is that the only things that fit me are from the junior department, and my "issue" with *that* is I actually want the pants to cover my butt-crack, no "talking" from my cheeks please (no words on my bum!), and I really don't need all that material around my ankles (the retro-70's bell-bottom thing wasn't my thing THEN...I'm just really not into it NOW, either...)

Hope all goes well with mom's surgery.

Liane said...

Jeans shopping is hideous. I swear to god the sizes keep shrinking.

Mercy's Maid said...

It's just so hard to find that perfect balance between "the whole world doesn't need to see my butt crack" and "Oh my gosh, I just bought 'Mom Jeans'".

I totally feel you, Mo. Although my sisters and I have a joke wherein anytime one of us tries on pants that are just a little too tight, we proclaim that the only thing that could make them better is if they said "JUICY" on the butt. :)

For the record, Maurices has one line of jeans that's just below waist bootcut jeans with "a little extra material in the bottom for people who have a butt" -- quoting the sales lady. They actually fit well.

sol92258 said...

a monkey?!

it's really funny I should read this today, after the Frasier episode last night where Niles took Eddie to a kennel, but kept telling his dad it was a "dog spa"

The World is Quiet Here said...

I'm another girl who missed out on the shopping gene!

Mercy's Maid said...

I'm glad it's not just me!