Therapist of Accidental Death and Dismemberment

Today, I had a new therapist. She is a wicked wicked woman. She hurt me in places I didn't even know I had. For awhile, I thought she was doing some bee therapy or something because it sure felt like I was being stung. She attributes it to my muscles being "quite cranky". Dealing with that at 8 in the morning sucks. She did give me new guidelines on what kind of exercise I can do. She said I can do the eliptical machine, but I can't jog. She also said I can do leg presses, but I can only do exercises like that that let me use both legs at the same time.

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I started tanning at the gym yesterday. The longer I go to that gym, the more sleazy I think the workers are. Especially "Big Rod" (I kid you not, I heard the owner call him that one day--his name is Rodney).

Yesterday, I asked the guy at the front desk about the tanning packages.

He said, "You can get a punch card for 10 visits for $25."

I said, "OK, but I remember seeing something on one of your fliers about unlimited monthly tanning for $20. What say you?"

And he said, "Oh, I think that's just if you sign up for a year."

I picked up one of the fliers and it said, "Unlimited monthly tanning $20." It didn't say anything about a time commitment or a contract. Nothing. So I pointed to it and said, "This doesn't say anything about a time commitment."

He said, "Well, it's either 6 months or a year" and just stood there.

I said, "Do you think you could find out what it is??"

So he went back to Big Rod's office and got the go-ahead for me to go see him. Visiting with him is like walking into a low rent used car lot. He just makes me want to take a shower on the inside. He started going through the options with me and I brought up the flier and he said, "Oh, that's actually a misprint." Yeah. I bet it is. That's why there's 150 of them still sitting out in prominent view on a table. Either these people don't have good sense or they enjoy screwing people over. Anyway, I kept turning him down for stuff until he said I could do a 3 month contract for $25 a month. I relented and signed up for that one. But do you know what his selling point was?

"Since you're already a member here, I can give you a break on the first month's fee! You won't pay anything for that."

"Oh, so I'm getting the first month free?"

"No, you'll actually still have three payments."

"So what exactly are you doing for me?"

"Well, you know how if you signed up for this at most places, you'd have to pay for your first month today? Well, you don't have to do that. We'll just draft it out with your gym membership fee on the 15th of this month!"

Let me faint from glee. Crackhead.