Friday, June 27, 2008

Important PSA about Black Widows

A single black widow egg sac contains between 200-400 eggs and can contain more than that.

Black widow females can live for 3 years and they store sperm so they don't have to mate each time they lay eggs. I guess that's handy since they sometimes (but not every time--that's a myth!) kill the male after they mate. At least they're sensible.

So if you had a boyfriend who had the biggest, fattest, sassiest black widow living on it and it had three (3) easily visible egg sacs, and in the other corner of the porch you saw another black widow egg sac, you might conclude that there might potentially be--oh--1600 (plus one or two muthas--I'm guessing two) black widows on your boyfriend's porch, you might become alarmed. You might bring it to his attention.

You might want to kick him in the face when he tells you to "stop being so dramatic" and refuses to rectify the situation.

If I were on the jury, I wouldn't convict you.

Have a fabulous weekend.


Kevin said...

In the interest of fairness, allow me to make a few points:

1. There was no refusal to "rectify the situation". However, there *was* lunch to be eaten, which was a much higher priority at the time. Just because I didn't immediately snap to attention and jump on it RIGHT THEN doesn't mean that said spider is still among the living.

2. Panic reactions do absolutely nothing to remove spiders. Whether you jump around and pee your pants or just calmly note that there is a spider present makes no difference. Being dramatic does nothing to help the situation.

3. Instead of considering the joys of kicking me in the face, why didn't you step up and do something about the spider yourself ? You could have easily squashed it with your foot or perhaps even applied one of the various insect-killing sprays that are available these days. Either way, the situation would have been handled.

sol92258 said...

rebuttal point #2 reminds me of that saying "I discovered that I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot."

Mercy's Maid said...

1. Did you kill the spider and do away with the eggs? Everything looked the same the last time I looked.

2. I didn't choose to have an irrational fear of spiders. I've been this way my whole life and I likely will be for the rest of my life. It's not like I invented this when I met you so I could annoy you with it. I don't think you get what goes on inside me when I see a spider. Especially that kind. My mental issues are part of the package.

3. See #2. I don't make physical contact with poisonous spiders and I don't travel with a bottle of bug spray with which to kill spiders at someone else's house and I've never seen any bug spray at your house nor was I offered any. Also, what happened to chivalry?

Lemonchicky said...

I need a new monitor now! Coffee is dripping from it.

You know, you two ARE the perfect match! bwahahahaa