I think that just about everyone is guilty of sometimes saying insensitive things without realizing it. I've certainly done it, and you probably have too.
Some examples I can think of:
1. When people ask a married couple when they're going to have kids...or why they don't have kids. How heartbreaking must it be for couples struggling with fertility issues to have to deal with questions like that all the time? And maybe the person being interrogated isn't dealing with any issues. Maybe it's just a personal decision. It's just that, though, a personal decision. AKA none of anybody else's business. Have your own kids.
2. When people ask single people why they don't have a boyfriend. There are lots of single people out there who are really hurting because they want to be in a relationship and just can't seem to find something that works. What's accomplished by beating them over the head with it? There are also lots of single people out there who are secure enough to not have to be with someone all the time. Asking them, basically, "what's so wrong with you that you don't have a boyfriend", ends up making the interrogator look stupid and pitiful--like he/she doesn't realize that people can have fulfilling lives without having to be validated with a relationship all the time. It can also come across as really condescending. I get this almost every Christmas, and I swear I'm gonna knock someone's teeth out one of these days. They won't even see it coming.
3. When I do have a boyfriend at Christmas, instead of question #2, I get this one: "When are you going to get married?" or "Are you going to marry him?" or "Is the 'The One'?" And it's like the second the question leaves the person's lips, the rest of the room falls into a hush as everyone else listens to hear my response...presumably either because they wanted to ask too, but had better sense OR they're aware that I could snap and knock someone's teeth out and they don't want to miss the show.
And I get that even when it isn't a big family Christmas gathering. I've gotten #3 three (3) times so far this week, and it's only Wednesday. If you're a good friend of mine and you ask me that, I don't mind (unless you make a habit of it). If you're a random person I work with who never speaks to me unless she's looking for gossip, I mind. I'm not anybody's personal entertainer. Go read a book or watch tv or something...or make an appointment with your dentist so he'll know you'll be in soon for your dentures when I knock your teeth out! :)
I bring this up because people bug me about stuff all the time and I just get tired of hearing the same questions over and over again. It gives me nightmares. I'm not kidding. I have nightmares about getting married and not having any control over any of the festivities. Busybodies are ruining my sleep!
5 comments:
The REAL question is:
do you remember what I taught you about properly knocking someone's teeth out?
Hi Sensai,
You taught me to have an abominable spirit! Kind of like that pesky snowman. And you taught me never to get in a van with strangers. And you taught me that it's OK to punch self-defense-teaching-guests in the face when they least expect it. And you taught me not to punch someone in the neck unless you want to kill them? What else?
Oh, and if you hit someone in the nose with your palm and shove it up, you can shove their nose into their brain! But again, only if you want to kill them. That's where the self-control tenet comes in!
Who knew the comments section was so educational???
I can't stop laughing...I had forgot about the punch in the face!!! and the look astonishment on his face was NOTHING compared to the look on yours....priceless
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