Jeans: Why They're from the Devil

I've finally come to the shocking and depressing realization that I must get some new (roomier) jeans. I haven't bought new jeans in a long time, so all of my current ones are either worn out or too snug.

Don't you hate when your jeans get too tight and so they get shorter and your jeans turn into something that resembles capri pants...except they're obviously just jeans that are too short and not capri pants at all?

That's the stage I'm at.



Anyway, I went to try on some new jeans tonight at Maurices...which used to be my favorite place to buy jeans. A detailed list of my issues is below:

1. The jeans with holes in them on purpose are cute and all, but I can't wear them to work.

2. Not everyone has the build for low-rise pants. Some people don't realize this, and the rest of us are paying for it. I've seen more bottoms since "super low rise" jeans came out than I care to elaborate on.

3. I'm one of those people who isn't built for low-rise or hip hugger jeans. I want to be, I really do...but unless God relocates the top of my butt crack about 3 inches lower, it ain't happening!

4. Apparently there's some rule that stores are ONLY allowed to sell low-rise jeans nowadays.

Anyway, I tried on some "just below the waist" jeans which were kind of cute, but the first pair was too big, so I got the next smaller size. They fit OK, but then, being the girl that I am, I had to turn around to see what they made my butt look like.

I'm not sure if you've seen the SNL skit for "Mom Jeans", but if you haven't, here's a transcript http://snltranscripts.jt.org/02/02smom.phtml

As soon as I turned around and looked at my butt, the jingle "Mom Jeans, Mom Jeans" started running through my head. They didn't have the pleated front, but the back just looked so middle-aged-soccer-mom. Suffice it to say that my butt has looked cuter.

I put them away and tried on another style that was just as bad. I put them away too. I came away from the store empty-handed.

However, at one point when I was waiting for an employee to bring me a different size, I realized that the excellent lighting in the fitting room was perfect for illuminating gray hairs, so I pulled out 3 or 4 while I waited.

Thank goodness I have a hair appointment next week...my gray hairs will magically be brown again. It's been so long since I've had fresh highlights that people have started asking me if I've darkened my hair. Even my mom asked. I had to remind her that dark brown is my natural color.