What's up with married people bugging single people about when they're going to get married? Do we go around asking you when you're going to get divorced?
This list is dedicated to people everywhere who have ever made a single person want to slap them--and trust me, we really do want to slap you when you say stuff like this. These are all actual things that have been said to me. I couldn't make this stuff up. You know, the funny thing is that this stuff usually comes from out of the blue...like people are just waiting to pounce. And everyone thinks they're an original.
I guess the most astounding thing is that the majority of people who ask this stuff couldn't care less about the stuff that IS going on in my life. I could win the freakin' Nobel Peace Prize and the response would be, "Oh, but don't you wish you had a special someone to share it with?"
So here you go...
1. When are you getting married?
2. Did you get engaged over the weekend? (I'd let you know if I had.)
3. Do you think you'll ever get married?
4. When do you think you'll get engaged?
5. I really figured you would have been married by now. (well, I would have gotten married already, but I SO ENJOY having this conversation multiple times each day.)
6. Be sure to give me like a year's notice before you get married because I need to lose some weight first. I don't want to be a fat bridesmaid. (you don't have to worry about that.)
7. You know, you're actually pretty, I don't understand why you've never gotten married. (I guess there must be something else that's freakishly wrong with me.)
8. You're an old maid.
9. So there's no ring on your finger? (as the person is standing right in front of me and can clearly see there's no ring on my finger)(Yes, but it's invisible to nosey people.)
10.You'll understand what it's like when you're married. (ooh, I can't wait to grow up and be just like you.)
11.Why haven't you gotten married yet? (have you seen the stats on the divorce rate? If you're already married and I get married, one of us will end up divorced. I'd rather save you the heartbreak.)
12.I can't wait until you get married and have kids. (how does that impact your life?)
13.Do I need to start planning a wedding shower? (probably not since you just asked me all of the questions listed above in rapid-fire mode and I told you I have no wedding plans.)
I know that my single readers probably have a few of their own that they could add.
Someone out there is probably thinking this is a really bitchy list, but if you've never been single (and if you got married straight out of college--or earlier, you've Never Been Single), you don't know the amount of crap we get that subtly insinuates that our lives won't really start until we get married. I refute that. Don't feel sorry for someone just because his or her life isn't identical to yours. It's an arrogant viewpoint. Our lives all have different paths and I don't believe that's an accident. I don't regret not being married at this point in my life. Things happen in their own time.
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