Thursday, May 31, 2007

13 Quick Ways to Annoy Your Single Friends (TT#17)

13 Quick Ways to Annoy Your Single Friends

What's up with married people bugging single people about when they're going to get married? Do we go around asking you when you're going to get divorced?

This list is dedicated to people everywhere who have ever made a single person want to slap them--and trust me, we really do want to slap you when you say stuff like this. These are all actual things that have been said to me. I couldn't make this stuff up. You know, the funny thing is that this stuff usually comes from out of the people are just waiting to pounce. And everyone thinks they're an original.

I guess the most astounding thing is that the majority of people who ask this stuff couldn't care less about the stuff that IS going on in my life. I could win the freakin' Nobel Peace Prize and the response would be, "Oh, but don't you wish you had a special someone to share it with?"

So here you go...

1. When are you getting married?
2. Did you get engaged over the weekend? (I'd let you know if I had.)
3. Do you think you'll ever get married?
4. When do you think you'll get engaged?
5. I really figured you would have been married by now. (well, I would have gotten married already, but I SO ENJOY having this conversation multiple times each day.)
6. Be sure to give me like a year's notice before you get married because I need to lose some weight first. I don't want to be a fat bridesmaid. (you don't have to worry about that.)
7. You know, you're actually pretty, I don't understand why you've never gotten married. (I guess there must be something else that's freakishly wrong with me.)
8. You're an old maid.
9. So there's no ring on your finger? (as the person is standing right in front of me and can clearly see there's no ring on my finger)(Yes, but it's invisible to nosey people.)
10.You'll understand what it's like when you're married. (ooh, I can't wait to grow up and be just like you.)
11.Why haven't you gotten married yet? (have you seen the stats on the divorce rate? If you're already married and I get married, one of us will end up divorced. I'd rather save you the heartbreak.)
12.I can't wait until you get married and have kids. (how does that impact your life?)
13.Do I need to start planning a wedding shower? (probably not since you just asked me all of the questions listed above in rapid-fire mode and I told you I have no wedding plans.)

I know that my single readers probably have a few of their own that they could add.

Someone out there is probably thinking this is a really bitchy list, but if you've never been single (and if you got married straight out of college--or earlier, you've Never Been Single), you don't know the amount of crap we get that subtly insinuates that our lives won't really start until we get married. I refute that. Don't feel sorry for someone just because his or her life isn't identical to yours. It's an arrogant viewpoint. Our lives all have different paths and I don't believe that's an accident. I don't regret not being married at this point in my life. Things happen in their own time.

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Lori said...

I totally agree:)

Mommy's My Name said...

That is a great list. I'm guilty of a couple of those but only when someone has a boyfriend/fiancee and the question would then be "So when is the wedding". I apologize to all single people I have offended. I promise to keep myself in check. I loved your post. I think it is awesome. When I was single, I felt much the same way about a lot of them. "None of your damn business" was my thought! LOL. Have a great day!!!!

Sherrie said...

How about "you may be happy now. but you now what at 45 your going to wake up alone and miserable. See how you feel then." WTF? As if waking up at 45 next to a person I hate WONT make me miserable. :-P Fab list. :-)

Summer said...

Imagine being unmarried by choice with kids. Every day its "So when is he going to make an honest woman out of you?" Cause I guess not being married means I lie and steal all the time?

Mandy said...

Awesome. I wrote a Xanga post about it once. I'd have to add a few:

1. "You're probably just too intimidating." (Wow, just what I always be so wonderful that I scare men away.)

2. "Marriage is no bed of roses. You shouldn't be in a hurry. It's really hard sometimes." (Do I look like I'm in a hurry? And I do have a firm enough grasp on reality to realize it will be hard.)

3. "...but I'm sure you'll be married by then." (Ok, great, so if I'm not, then does that mean I'm officially a loser?)

4. "You're too picky." (Actually, there's a lot of truth in that statement, but still it annoys me when people say it.)

5. "Well, can I introduce you to so-and-so?" (That one drives me insane.)

I could go on for a very long time.

Qtpies7 said...

Its not being single, its being alive. I promise you that if you got married it would be just as bad. "When are you going to have kids?" then when you have a child "Are you going to have another?" If you have two boys or girls "Are you going to try for a boy/girl?" If you have 3 or more kids "Don't you know what causes that?" "Don't you know what birth control is?" "Are you done yet?" And I'm sure if you choose not to have kids there are tons more! And if you can't have kids and are trying "Just relax and it'll happen." or "Try to adopt, you'll end up pregnant."
There is no end to the rudeness in people! You just have to have humor!
People ask me all the time if I know what causes that, I have 7 kids, and I anwer "Yes, and we're really good at it!" Nothing shuts a rude person up faster!

Mercy's Maid said...


That's the best response ever! Ha!

amy said...

thanks for sharing this list with us this week

TeaMouse said...

Totally unbelievable that anyone would ask those questions.

Lisa said...

Haha, I was gonna add the part about once you get married they want to know when you'll have kids.

Great list, I like the italicized comments the best.

Sparkling Cipher said...

QTPies7 beat me to it. Before I was engaged, I got the "so when is he going to propose" line, as if I need him to do the asking. Then once I had the ring, it was, "so when's the wedding?" Now, even though we aren't married yet, I guess they've gotten bored with that. Now it's "So, you need to have a baby already." Gee, thanks, I couldn't make that decision on my own. Glad you told me it was time.

The rude questions don't stop; they just get replaced by other rude questions.

L^2 said...

LOL This is a fantastic list! I'm single too and most all of these things really annoy me too! My family is especially bad about asking me this kind of stuff.

KarenW said...

Those kind of questions drove me crazy when I was single. And like qtpies said, it doesn't end when you do get married.

Raggedy said...

The questions never end they just get replaced with other rude questions on the next stage...
Great TT...
Mine is up too

Mo said...

I'm gonna adopt your response about the divorce rate; I luv that!

Being in a long-term relationship (17 years) and not married gets you both lines of questioning ("When are you two gonna do the deed?" AND "Don't you want children?") so I need all the smart-ass answers I can get!

(And, thanks to your readers for supplying me some more!!)

Alasandra said...

Thanks for visiting my TT.

While I did get married right out of college, I didn't date when I was in high school and I got so tired of being asked "Do you have a boyfriend yet"? As if 1.) a boyfriend was a necessary fashion accessory that I had just forgotten to purchase or 2.) If I didn't have a boyfriend there was something wrong with me.

Cin said...

I would get slap-happy too!

My partner-in-crime and I have been together for just under 20 years (we met in high school), and we're in a similar boat - for the first ten years it was the married comment, now... insert "pregnant" instead of "married".

Sigh. Nosy buggers.

Dane Bramage said...

Ha! You think only women get questioned about when they are getting married? "When are you going to find a nice girl?" As if all the ones I found were chosen becase they were somehow not nice. But my Mom is the worse. She has 8 grandkids and 8 great grandkids thanks to my 3 siblings but she always asks me, the oldest and still single "When am I going to see grandkids!" Open your eyes Mom!

Great list and thanks for visiting mine.

pussreboots said...

Can't say I've ever said any of those things on your list. But I'm the freak among my friends. They're all single and I'm the only married one.

Teresa said...

Awesome post... I've heard every one of those at least once. I hear at least one of them almost every day. Why are people so damn nosey anyway? Sometimes I wish I could just get a tattoo on my forehead that says "Single and lovin' it, don't even ask" - but then I'm sure they would bug me about that just as much.