Tick, Tock

I'm reading this book called Something Borrowed by Emily Giffin (total chick-lit). I'm only a few chapters in, but it's already started affecting me negatively. The main character started talking about all of the things she had planned out for herself when she was a child. She was going to get married when she was 25 and have kids a couple of years later, yada yada. So on her 30th birthday when she's still single and hasn't accomplished the things she dreamed about, she kind of freaks out.

On page 4 she says:

I did not plan on being alone in my thirties, even my early thirties. I wanted a husband by now; I wanted to be a bride in my twenties.

And at about that point, I started freaking out. I thought..."OK...I'm 27. Oh Crap!!! I'm not 27, I'm 28. I'll be 29 in April! I'm almost 30. I'm almost 35! I will surely die a childless old maid!"

So later I had conversation similar to this with Kevin:

Me: I started a new book?
Him: Oh yeah, what's it about?
Me: It's about a chick who's turning 30 and is freaking out because she's not married.
Him: Oh. That's not good. Should you be reading stuff like that?
Me: Why shouldn't I read it? I'm going to be 30 in two years! Just two!

(the sound of my ovaries shriveling up can be heard in the background)

Him: You shouldn't read it because it makes you all 'meh'.
Me: I'm not all 'meh'.
Him: You're getting freaked out and it's making you 'meh'.

It made me 'meh', folks. It did. And the crazy thing is that I love being single. There's never been a day in my life that I've woken up and thought, "I wish I was married today." or "I wish I had kids today." Those are things I want at some point, but I so love peace and quiet and freedom and independence that I can do without the heavy stuff right this minute. But then I catch myself wondering if I'll get to a point where I've put the heavy stuff off for so long that I don't have a choice anymore. That's what makes me 'meh'.

But in the end I'm not in control anyway...which for people like me is equally disturbing.