Last night I had my heart set on some chocolate milk. I poured a glass of milk, stirred the chocolate powder into it and commenced drinking it out of the spoon I used to stir it (as any chocolate milk connoisseur would). It was spoiled. I took another tiny sip, just to be sure, and arrived at the same conclusion. Very upsetting as I was in no humor to venture to Wal-Mart.
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Have I mentioned lately how much I dislike going to church? You know, I used to look forward to it every Sunday, but now I have to force myself to get out of bed on Sunday mornings. It's not that I don't like God anymore, it's just that I hate the pomp and circumstance, the "pep-rallyness" of it all, the tradition turned legalism, the way it feels like fulfilling an obligation rather than worship. I hate the two-facedness of statements like, "It's my prayer that our church will be about God first..." when all it takes is a cursory glance to see that what church has really become about is making it grow and adding new bells and whistles so that the community will be impressed at the size of the church and it'll look good on a resume. Sure it's about showing "God" to the target market, but what about the people who don't fall into the target?
We'll just hope that someone else will pick them up.
The most frustrating thing about feeling this way is that I don't think it's like that everywhere, but I don't know where I'm supposed to go. And I hate the feeling of just floating around. It's just about the opposite of what I want and need. But I guess I'll just keep floating until I hit something solid. Or until I just get too tired of floating...which could easily happen before I hit something solid. Not that it matters...know why? Because I don't fall into the church's target market. But I'm sure they'd love for me to show back up when I do so that I can help bolster the numbers.
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I went to the public library on Friday (yeah, that was my first mistake)to look in their "friends" room to see if they had any 25 cent books I thought I should list on paperbackswap.com (I'm getting low on credits). I found a few and then I thought I'd wander around the library's video rental section to see what they had to offer. Just wow. Heaven forbid that someone actually organize something in a public library. They could really do with hiring someone completely OCD to re-do basically everything. I needed a Valium when I was done in there. Out of all the videos I wrote down as being ones I was potentially interested in, only one was actually there. It was The Best of the Wonder Years. I've been missing Kevin and Winnie, so I picked it up. I really wanted a video version of one of Kate Chopin's short stories (I forget which story it was now), but they were just kidding about having it. Do you seriously think someone else checked it out and it just didn't happen to be there that day? Of course not! I'm the only freak who has any interest in Kate Chopin's writing-turned-video.
Anyhoo, I took Kevin and Winnie home with me and popped them into the VCR (it was like going back in time, actually using the VCR), and what happens but the crappy VCR tape goes berserk and won't play...ends up wound around things that it definitely wasn't meant to be wound around inside the VCR. So that was a bust too. I'll return it to the library with a note about the tape not working and maybe they'll get rid of it...but you can bet they won't get rid of it in the "card catalog" of videos. It'll still be there lending false hope to the next dork who misses Kevin and Winnie. I'm sure of it.
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