If the mother is not comfortable with her beauty and feminity, the daughter will pick up on that and vice versa. If a child grows up with a mother who is always talking bad about herself, the child will think that's the way women are supposed to think about themselves.
Our question, though, is mostly answered by our dads. (page 62).
We have all been wounded.
Sorrow is not a stranger to any of us, though only a few have learned that
it is not our enemy either. Because we are the ones loved by the God, the
King of kings, Jesus himself, who came to heal the brokenhearted and set the
captives free, we can take a look back. We can take his hand and
remember. We must remember if we would not be help prisoner to
the wounds and the messages we received growing up. page 65
Fathers can wound us by being absent or uninvolved. This sends the message "you're not worth my attention, you're not important to me". They can also wound us by being abusive which might make a little girl think, "if I were only better in some way, he wouldn't do this to me".
The wounds we have received have brought messages unique to all of us. We believed our parents. We thought it was our own fault that we were wounded--that we brought it on ourselves because we weren't good enough, smart enough, thin enough, captivating enough...
We try to heal the hurt on our own by improving ourselves or hiding parts of our personality.
...deep down we fear there is something terribly wrong with us. If we
were the princess, then our prince would have come. If we were the
daughter of a king, he would have fought for us. We can't help but believe
that if we were different, if we were better, then we would have been loved as
we so longed to be. page 69
We deal with our wounds by making vows never to be hurt in the same way again. We become guarded and hard. The vows we make shut our hearts down.
They are essentially a deep-seated agreement with the messages of our
wounds. They act as an agreement with the verdict on us. page 70
As a result of our wounds, we are ashamed. We don't believe we are worth loving. We hide our true selves. We are uncomfortable with our beauty. We allow our wounds and our shame to shape us. We invent ways to protect ourselves, but our plans aren't God's plans.
Some of the most crippling and destructive wounds we receive come much
later in our lives. The wounds that we have received over lifetimes have
not come to us in a vacuum. There is , in fact, a theme to them, a
pattern. The wounds you have received have come to you for a purpose from
one who knows all you are meant to be and fears you. page 75
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